


My R || S P A M A N O

by Payton_Elizabeth1



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/M, It's not very fluffy but the end is so there, M/M, No character death reeeeeee, especially Lovino, everyone is depressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-08 17:37:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 9,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19475446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Payton_Elizabeth1/pseuds/Payton_Elizabeth1
Summary: Human AULovino Vargas is a famous singer, known for his deep and emotional songs in Spanish, Italian, English, and even a little German. He sings about pressing matters like fear, death, depression, and more. He does have a few light-hearted songs, such as "We Speak No Americano", but he mainly keeps to the darker songs.One day at a concert, he preforms a never-heard before song. The only person who had heard it before was his boyfriend, Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, who was singing a part in the song as well.The song is about his experience with attempting suicide, and how if he had't met Antonio, he wouldn't be here today.Disclaimer: This is a Hetalia Song Fanfiction. I do not own Hetalia or it's characters. I do not own the songs mentioned in the book. "My R" a.k.a "Watashi no R) is originally sung by Hatsune Miku, but I am using a covered version since the original is in a Japanese, I believe. Then I will be changing the lyrics some. For the sake of the book, Lovino will have written it. You'll see what I mean in the Introduction.Update Schedule:  Completed!NOW ALSO ON WATTPAD AND FANFICTION.NETI hope you enjoy my book!-Payton





	1. I N T R O D U C T I O N

**T H E B L U R B :**

_Human AU_

_Lovino Vargas is a famous singer, known for his deep and emotional songs in Spanish, Italian, English, and even a little German. He sings about pressing matters like fear, death, depression, and more. He does have a few light-hearted songs, such as "We Speak No Americano", but he mainly keeps to the darker songs._

_One day at a concert, he preforms a never-heard before song. The only person who had heard it before was his boyfriend, Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, who was singing a part in the song as well._

_The song is about his experience with attempting suicide, and how if he had't met Antonio, he wouldn't be here today._

**D I S C L A I M E R :**

_This is a Hetalia Song Fanfiction. I do not own Hetalia or it's characters. I do not own the songs mentioned in the book. "My R" a.k.a "Watashi no R) is originally sung by Hatsune Miku, but I am using a covered version since the original is in a Japanese, I believe. Then I will be changing the lyrics some. For the sake of the book, Lovino will have written it. You'll see what I mean in the Introduction._

**U P D A T E S C H E D U L E :**

_Completed!_

_NOW ALSO ON WATTPAD AND FANFICTION.NET_

_I hope you enjoy this book!_

_-Payton_


	2. P R O L O G U E

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lovino prepares for his performance.

Lovino Vargas paced in front of Antonio, making sure he could remember all of the lyrics to his new song. He muttered things to himself, some of it saying lyrics, some of it curse words, and some were full of regret.

"Lovi! Lovi, slow down!" Antonio put his hands and body in front of Lovino so he would stop his pacing. "Take a deep breath. In and out." He demonstrated what he meant, with his boyfriend soon following in after the first breath.

"T-Thank you." Lovino mumbled, but Antonio still heard it. He grinned widely.

"No problem, Lovi!" He said cheerfully. Noticing that the singer was too nervous to even make a comment back, he continued on with speaking. "Don't worry about this song. You've been practicing it for months now. You'll do great!"

Lovino calmed down a little. Even if he refused to admit it, he was glad to have Toni around. "Yeah, yeah. Okay, bastard. The clothes are exact, right?" He said while inspected both of their clothes.

Antonio was wearing a beige, loose, long-sleeved shirt with white jeans. He wore light brown Pikolinos tennis shoes. The sleeves on his shirt were rolled up to his elbows to reveal white bandages going up and down his arms. They were meant to signify the bandages that he had on his arms from when he was 16. He cut back then. Antonio also had a silver necklace hanging from his neck; the charm being an anchor with seaweed wrapping around it.

Lovino was wearing a black and white horizontally striped shirt with a dark brown jacket to go over it. His pants were dark blue jeans, and his shoes were black boots that extended to right below his calf. He also was wearing bandages on his arms, but he hadn't put those on until he left the stage to prepare for the last song. He did it so his fans wouldn't be suspicious. Lovino as well had a necklace on. It was a silver necklace with a Italian horn for the charm.

"They are fine! There are exactly like the day where I caught you." Lovino nodded his head after that statement. It was crazy that they even remember what they were wearing on that day.

"Speaking of that, you promise that you will catch me? There is not mat here today..." The singer trailed off on his sentence. The two had been rehearsing the fall-and-catch ever since Lovino had finished writing the song. Lovino would sit on black railing facing the edge of the stage- they had to install a railing on the stage that they were performing at -and practice falling forward and off the rail. He had to learn to trust Antonio to catch him by the hand so he wouldn't fall all the way off of the stage. If Antonio failed to catch him by the arm, Lovino would fall onto a blow-up mat on the floor. Antonio would also get a line of curse words thrown at him.

"Lovi, we have been practicing this for weeks now. We have perfected this. And remember, when I caught you for the first time, there was no mat." Antonio gave a reassuring smile. Lovino was very thankful for this little pep talk, even though he would never admit it to his face.

"Well, I've got to go on, tomato bastard. Make sure you remember your lyrics!" With that, the Italian walked out on the stage. He was greeted by a chorus of cheers from the full audience in front of the stage.

"Ciao, everyone! I'm sorry for the long wait. We just had a lot of preparing to do." He glanced back at Antonio, who was standing behind the curtains on the side of the stage.

"Now you are all probably wondering on why this railing has been here this whole time. Well you are about to get your answer!" Lovino said into his ear microphone. "It's for my new, never heard before song called "My R" that will be performed on this stage for the last song of the night!" He watched the crowd go silent. He started to get worried that he had screwed up with this idea. That was until the audience want into an uproar of cheers.

"This song will also include my boyfriend, Antonio. The song is about my story of attempted suicide, and also how we fist met." 

_Well, there is no going back now,_ Lovino thought to himself. He still couldn't believe he was doing this. He put up a front though, like he had done for many, many years.

"And now, let the song begin."


	3. O N E

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lovino meets the first victim.

_The singer cleared his throat as the music turned on. He stared straight ahead. Over the railing, over the crowd. Then he began to sing._

* * *

** LOVINO VARGAS **

Lovino was a sixteen year-old boy. A depressed one at that. His life was all a mess. _He_ was a mess. That's why he was walking up the echoey, metal stairs of his apartment building up to the rooftop. 

The high-school student took a deep breath and heaved opened the heavy door that lead to the roof. 

**_"Just as I was about to take my shoes off on the rooftop there I see,"_ **

He knelt down to untie and take off his black sneakers. Lovino figured that when his "family" finally realized he was missing, they would need to know that he wasn't just missing, but that he was dead.

The teenager looked up towards the black railing of the building, right before he was finished untying his left shoe, the first shoe.

**_"A boy with white hair here before me."_ **

The boy that Lovino saw looked odd. At least, from what he could see he did. He had white hair that was a bit messy, and he was wearing a blue military uniform. His hands were gloved, and they were seemed to be slowly letting go of the railing that the boy was standing in front of. He was turned away from Lovino, and looking at the setting sun in the distance.

**_"Despite myself, I go and scream:"_ **

He didn't know what compelled him to do it. Maybe it was because they seemed to be the same age. Maybe it was because of gut feeling Lovino had. Whatever it was, he was shocked when it happened.

**_"'Hey, don't do it please!'"_ **

Lovino shouted out five words that he didn't know were going to come out of his mouth.

"Hey, don't do it please!"

He instantly slapped a hand over his mouth. The peculiar boy turned around to look at him with dark red eyes that were void of any emotion.

**_"Woah wait a minute, what did I just say? I couldn't care less either way! To be honest, I was somewhat pissed. This was an opportunity missed."_ **

Lovino thought over the words that slipped out. Would he really be able to get this strange boy to talk to him through those simple words? 

_Why should I care,_ he thought. _This weirdo took away my opportunity to do the one thing I had been waiting to do for years!_

But something within the Italian told him that there was more to the boy with white hair then what meets the eye.

"What's your name?" Lovino asked the boy. The boy turned his body around completely. Now he was facing away from the setting sun.

"Gilbert Beilschmidt." The boy named Gilbert replied back in a thick German accent. He was pale, had red eyes and white hair, obviously an albino.

"I'm Lovino Vargas." Lovino said, carefully picking out his words. He didn't want to upset him, no matter how good he was at doing it. "Would you come on the safe side of the railing? I want to get to know you." Truthfully, Lovino didn't want to know anything about Gilbert, but he had no choice if he wanted to stop a suicide.

Gilbert blinked once, and then hoisted himself onto the same side as Lovino. 

"Tell me about why you're about to jump. What's your reason" It wasn't necessarily a question, but it was to be answered anyway.

**_"The boy with white hair told his woes."_ **

Gilbert gulped as he began to relay his story.

* * *

_Lovino glanced at the boy in front of him. He was clad in a black-out suit, meant to represent a person, but not to give away the identity. He was covered head to toe in this suit, but he could see out of it because it's one of those kinds of suits where you can't see in but you can see out._

_Lovino almost fell out of the present and into the past when he remembered Gilbert. Gilbert was here today, and Lovino almost can't believe that it was because of him that he is still living and breathing._


	4. T W O

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Gilbert explains himself.

_Lovino mentally slapped himself to get his act together and continue with the song. He would be singing for the boy in black, because he couldn't possibly make a sound within that suit._

* * *

** GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT **

**_"'You've probably heard it all before.'"_ **

Contrary to most belief, Gilbert wasn't dumb. He could see through this facade that Lovino had. Lovino didn't care. No, he couldn't care less about him. But the albino complied anyway. It may do him some good to get out his feelings. He didn't get to do it often.

**_"'I really thought that she might be the one,'"_ **

"I had a girlfriend, you know. I really thought that she might be the one." Gilbert said with a blank stare. He learned long ago to never show sadness to strangers. Lovino only looked back with slight curiosity.

He closed his eyes for a moment as he remembered his girlfriend.

_Gilbert held Elizabeta Hedervary's hand as they walked into her house. They plopped down on the lavish gray sofa. Elizabeta lived in a nice house, almost as beautiful as she was._

_He took a moment to take in her features. She wore a dazzling light green dress that was sleeveless. It stretched down to her knees, and the whole thing all in all complimented her body nicely. She had middle-tone brown, long hair with a pink flower behind her right ear._

_"You're so beautifully awesome, you know that?" Gilbert spoke to her gently, cupping her chin in his palm. She giggled ever so slightly._

_"And you are so handsome." She said through her giggles. They shared sweet, loving kisses that evening._

The albino opened his eyes when he felt tears pricking in them. No, he couldn't cry. Not over someone like her. He quickly blinked them back.

**_"But then she told me she was done."_ **

"I shouldn't have let her take my heart. I shouldn't have trusted her. When she told me that she was done with me, she did it in the worst way possible." Gilbert paused for a moment. "She was cheating on me."

Lovino cocked his head to the side.

_Gilbert walked into Elizabeta's house happily and bubbly. Why wouldn't he be like this? He was at his girlfriend's house for God's sake!_

_"Elizabeta~! Elizabeta~!" Gilbert called out from the living room. It wasn't like he was surprising her. She had asked him to come over._

_"I'm coming!" She called back from whatever room she was in. Soon she popped into the room. "I'm glad you came!"_

_Something wasn't right. The tone of her voice and body language didn't match her eyes at all. While she spoke happily, her eyes told a story of anxiety._

_"Are you okay? What happened?" Now her smile faltered._

_"I have something to tell you." Her tone changed completely. Now it matched her eyes. It was enough to worry Gilbert._

_"What is it? Did someone hurt you? Has some-" He was cut off by Elizabeta shaking her head._

_"No. No one has hurt me. It's- how do I say this..." She paused. "I'm cheating on you."_

_Gilbert couldn't believe this. He didn't want to believe this. But he was forced to when a boy came out from the kitchen. It was a boy he recognized all too well. Roderich Edelstein._

_He couldn't fathom words. It was all too sudden for him. Just the other day they had been kissing under the moonlight. Now, it all crashed and burned._

_"Why? What have I done to you?" Gilbert whispered. His voice turned hoarse._

_Elizabeta shook her head. "You are just too much for me."_

_"After all I have done for you! You go and cheat on me with my friend, and your only reason is that I'm too much!" Gilbert burst out. "You could have just told me that you didn't want to be with me, and saved me from this!" He turned to Roderich._

_"And you! I thought you were someone I could trust! But no! You helped her with this by dating her!" He could feel the tears begin to fall from his face._

_Elizabeta opened her mouth to speak, but Gilbert wouldn't let her._

_"No! I don't want to hear a word from you! You whore!" Gilbert left. He left without looking back._

_After that, he couldn't stop crying. He cried for days on end. His little brother, Ludwig, tried to help him. But he shut him out. He shut everyone out._

Now, here he was standing on the rooftop, where he _was_ going to end his suffering for once and for all. It was all because of Elizabeta and Roderich.

"That's why I'm up here." When Gilbert finished, he noticed Lovino's facial expression. It was not one of sympathy, empathy, or even pity. No, it was one of pure irritation.

* * *

_As Lovino sung the words out loud, he could now imagine how depressed that can make someone feel. Now having a loved one, he would feel immense pain if Antonio were to cheat on him._

_But at the time, the boy couldn't help but get angry at someone who had experienced very little to get so suicidal._


	5. T H R E E

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lovino talks to Gilbert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: RAPE AND PEDOPHILIA (imsosorry-)

_Lovino silently gritted his teeth as he got ready to sing the next part of the song. It wasn't mentioned in the lyrics, but the singer had told the Prussian (as he claims to be) a secret he wished he had kept to himself._

* * *

** LOVINO VARGAS **

The Italian of the two could not believe what he just heard. Someone about to commit suicide over a breakup? How stupid!

**_"'For God's sake please! Are you serious? I just can't believe that for some stupid reason you got here before me! Are you upset 'cause you can't have what you wanted?'"_ **

"For God's sake please, Gilbert! Are you being serious right now? You're going to jump because of a girl whom you shouldn't even care about anymore?!" Lovino couldn't help but to yell. This white haired boy just took away his chance to end it all today.

"Honestly, I just can't believe that for some stupid reason you got here before me!" For the first time that night, Gilbert's eyes widened to show something behind the red crimson. Shock. "You're upset because you can't have what you wanted? You're... _lovely_ girlfriend?"

"I guess so." Gilbert shrugged. He couldn't imagine his life without Elizabeta.

**_"'You're lucky that you've never gotten robbed of anything!'"_ **

Lovino shook his head. "You're lucky that you've never gotten robbed of anything."

The albino was confused. "What?"

"I'm saying that you have never gotten robbed of everything that you've ever had. You still have people that love you, people that want to help you. Nobody cares about me. Far from it. I was robbed from my own goddamn family when I was 6 and placed into a new one. One where I'm forced into child labor while my brother gets to lounge around and do nothing!" He cried out.

"You haven't been robbed of your own virginity." Lovino whispered.

Gilbert's mouth hung open. The Italian wished he could erase what he just said, as the memory took over his mind.

_"Lovino!" His "father" called from inside the house. The young boy who was about 10 years-old had been working in the cotton farm. He quickly rushed into his home._

_"Yes sir?" Lovino answered. He tried to ignore this stinging on his palms and hands of which the cotton had pricked and scraped at his skin. He instead took notice to the unfamiliar man standing beside his father._

_"I would like for you to meet Roland. Roland, this is my son, Lovino." The Italian didn't like this new guy. His smile was creepy, and he had really sharp teeth._

_This 'Roland' guy knelt down in front of Lovino. He stuck out his hand for him to shake. "Nice meeting you, Lovino." His voice didn't contain kindness. No, it reminded the labored boy of a snake. His gut twisted into a knot. Something about this man just didn't seem right to him._

_Roland stood up after the boy had refused to shake his hand. "When shall I begin your request?" That smile was still plastered to his face._

_"Once I get Feliciano out of the house."_ Feliciano? What does my brother have anything to do with this? _Lovino thought. "Then you may start."_

_"Perfect."_

_Soon enough, Lovino's father and brother left the house. For all of what Feliciano knew, they were going on a road trip._

_"Bye fratello! I'll see you when we get back~!" Then, the door slammed shut, and it was locked with a click. Lovino was left alone with Roland._

_"What's happening here? What's about to begin?" The young boy was immensely confused. He didn't like_ anything _about what was happening._

_Roland reached his hand down to trace his fingers along Lovino's jaw and under the boy's chin. He clicked his tongue. "Aw, poor boy. You are so innocent." His words did not represent the looks of the man._

_Lovino shivered. "W-what do you mean..?" He stuttered over his words. The man's hands were ice cold._

_"Don't you worry. I will make this as painless as possible." Almost as soon as the words came out of his mouth, the man laughed, contradicting himself. "Ha! That is just too far from the truth."_

_If he wasn't scared before, he was now. He wanted to run, but he was restrained to his spot by hands that weren't his own. The hands started to move around his chest and under his shirt._

_Lovino was pulled against Roland's chest. Roland was whispering into his ear. "Shh, my child. Just relax." His voice was disturbing as shudders traveled through his body. The hands continued to move, as a pair of lips met his neck. "It's time to make love~."_

_A shriek could be heard from the boy as his clothes were slipped off. Roland moved the two over to the nearest bedroom, a guest bedroom. Lovino was laid down against the mattress as the older man shuffled to take off his clothes as well._

_Lovino tried desperately to get up, but Roland had already crawled on top of him and pinned him to the bed. He began to bite down on Lovino's right ear, then his neck, and then left a trail of dark bruises along his body._

_Lovino screamed. And kicked. And punched. But nothing seemed to work as Roland continued to grind and moan on the boy. Hard too, which only lead to more screaming on Lovino's part._

_._

_Head pounding, heart racing, Lovino laid against the headboard of the guest bedroom's bed. Everything hurt. Everything had been touched; violated. Roland had already slipped back on the clothes that had been discarded earlier, but Lovino was left naked._

_"I can't wait to do this next year." Roland reached down to brush Lovino's penis once more before he left the room._

"It happen once a year ever since I was 10. I'm 16 now." Lovino said after he snapped out of his memory.

"Who did it?" Gilbert inquired. Replacing shock, he wore a look of vengeance.

Lovino bit his lip. "I can't tell you."

"Oh." Realization hit the German. "I understand." He wished he didn't.

**_"'I'm feeling better. Thank you for listening.'"_ **

"I'm feeling a lot better, I guess. Thank you for listening and talking with me." Gilbert said. "Maybe we'll meet again?"

Lovino replied, "Maybe." 

"Auf wiedersehen, Lovino." He called out in his native language as he headed towards the heavy metal door.

"Addio, Gilbert." It only felt right to respond in Italian, as it was also his native language.

**_"The boy with white hair then disappeared."_ **

Lovino watched as Gilbert left rooftop of the apartment building in which the Italian lived in. He stayed up at the top for a few more minutes before he decided to go back to his apartment. With his "family".

He would just have to jump tomorrow.

* * *

_The southern Italian gazed at the boy in black as he walked off into the curtains on the side of the stage. Memories of Gilbert flooded through his mind. He would have never thought that they would meet again._

_Lovino scanned the crowd for him. There he was! Lovino almost smiled as the familiar white haired boy waved at him with a cheery grin. He kept his promise to come after all._


	6. F O U R

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lovino meets the second victim.

_Lovino mentally prepared himself for the next segment of the song. He could vividly remember the poor Latvian._

* * *

** LOVINO VARGAS **

A boy that went by the name of Lovino Vargas traveled up the same stupid flight of stairs that he walked up and down yesterday, after a surprise meeting with a white haired boy.

**_"'Alright today's the day!' Or so I thought. Just as I took both of my shoes off."_ **

Today he decided to take off his shoes before he went onto the rooftop. He didn't know why he did it that way, so don't ask.

He opened the door to the place where he could finally jump and let go.

**_"There was but a boy short as can be."_ **

Lovino walked through the door, expecting to only see a railing in which he would climb over. But no. Instead he saw a boy short as can be.

The short boy was sitting on the unsafe side of the fence, knees curled up to his chest as he sobbed.

He had blonde hair and slightly tan skin, Lovino noticed. The boy was wearing a lot of red; A red long-sleeved t-shirt and red pants. He had long brown boots on though.

 _Poor boy_ , Lovino thought. So he did the same thing he did for Gilbert when he first saw him.

**_"Despite myself, I go and scream."_ **

"Hey, don't do it please!" Lovino called out. The crying boy looked up at him with sad eyes that had tears streaming down his cheek and falling onto his knees.

"Come onto my side for me. That way we can talk better." Lovino motioned with his hands. Opposite to what he had originally felt about Gilbert, the Italian did actually want to talk to this boy.

"O-kay." The boy stuttered out. He uncurled himself and slowly hoisted himself over to the safe side. He landed on his back when he fell off the railing, but he got back up and brushed himself off.

"What's your name?" Lovino questioned, looking down slightly.

"Raivis Galante." The small one was shaking.

"I'm Lovino Vargas. Do you mind telling me how old you are?" He didn't want a little boy to commit suicide. No, kids at that age shouldn't die so early.

"I-I'm 16." Eyes widening in shock, Lovino had to do a double take. 16? But he was so short! As if reading his thoughts, Raivis continued. "I know that I'm short. I can't seem to grow."

"Oh..." Well, at least they were the same age. "Why do you want to jump?"

**_"The petite boy told me his woes."_ **

Raivis shrugged. "Do you want to hear my story?"

"Si."

"Alright." The boy stopped shaking as he prepared his reason as to why he was going to end his life.

* * *

_Lovino never did hear from Raivis again, but his friend, Tolys, told the Italian that the Latvian was doing well. He didn't have a drinking problem anymore, and he had moved to a nice town back in Latvia. Raivis had apparently never forgotten about what Lovino did._

_If only he was here..._


	7. F I V E

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Raivis explains himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: CURSING

_Lovino observed the boy in front of him. He, too, was dressed in a black suit. But this boy was really short, shorter than everyone else that would be wearing black today. It reminded him a lot of Raivis._

* * *

** RAIVIS GALANTE **

Raivis could see the confusion painted on Lovino's face. "I'm Latvian, by the way. You've probably never met one before."

"No, I haven't." Lovino replied. Raivis nodded. It's what he had expected.

**_"'You've probably heard it all before.'"_ **

"You've probably heard my story hundreds of times before," Raivis warned. "But you asked."

Lovino did and said nothing.

**_"'Everyone ignores me, everyone steals.'"_ **

"Everyone ignores me. It's as if I don't even exist. But my items exist fully, because people just _love_ to steal things from me. All of the goddamn time." Lovino's eyes broadened as he heard Raivis curse. He probably didn't expect such language from someone so little.

"The only time I'm actually noticed is when I'm getting bullied anyway." That statement brought up an unwanted memory.

_Raivis heard the bell ring, ending his last period of the day: Math. He needed to get out of here as fast as he could. Maybe he could get home safe this time._

_"Hey! Shortcake!" A voice called out from somewhere behind him as he pushed his way through the rush of kids. If he could just get to his car in time-_

_He felt a strong hand grab the back of his t-shirt and drag him the opposite way of which he was going. Raivis would yell. He would fight back. But it wouldn't do anything. He had already given up since the first year of this bully._

_Once he had been drug all the way outside and behind the school, he was roughly shoved against the brick wall, his bookbag slipping off._

_"Where did you possibly think you were going?" The Russian man sneered in front of him. Raivis blinked._

_"Where do you think? Home and away from you. You ask the same damn thing everyday." He said. Viktor backhanded him across the cheek._

_"And you answer me the same way every fucking day. You never learn to shut your own mouth for fuck's sake." Raivis then repeatedly got kicked in the shins, falling to the ground in pain._

_"Let's see what you have for me today." Viktor picked up the Latvian boy's bookbag. He unzipped it and shuffled through the heavy books that were lain messily in bag. He eventually pulled out a romance novel, one that Raivis had just started._

_"Aw. 'Beautiful Bastard' huh? It would be such a shame if it were to burn." The taller boy said devilishly. He went into his own bag and pulled out a lighter. Yes, Viktor was 16 and he smoked. Welcome to his public school._

_Raivis wanted to say something, anything, but he was violently kicked five times in the face and gut. He could only watch the paperback book go up into flames as he clutched his gut and waited for the next thing to happen._

_Viktor searched through his bag again until he was able to draw out a pair of headphones. "I might just keep these, da?" And so he did. He placed it into his own bag._

_Raivis tried to push himself up off the ground, except he was shoved back down. The Russian straddled the small boy, and punched his face and stomach over and over again. When he was done, he got off of him and kicked him hard in the place that any man or boy would be clutching in pain._

_If he wasn't feeling pain before (which he was), he is now. Whimpering, Raivis curled into a ball._

_"See you tomorrow!" Viktor yelled as walked away with the fire slowly dying out. The book was now ash that was going to blow away in the wind._

_._

_As soon as Raivis drove home and entered his house, he went straight for his room. He kept a secret stash of vodka and rum. He reached for a bottle of rum, as vodka reminded him too much of the Russian. He was planning to forget that experience, not remember it._

_Sure, he was too young to drink. But it didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore._

"Drinking is my usual escape for when that happens."

Lovino took a deep breath as he closed his eyes. Raivis wished he could read minds.

**_"'I don't fit in with anyone here.'"_ **

"I don't fit in with anyone here anymore. God made a mistake when he made me. So I'm going to correct it." He looked back at the black railing. It felt like it was calling out to him. _Climb over me. Climb over me._

Bringing his eyes back to Lovino, he could see the the Italian looked like he was going to explode.

* * *

_Lovino searched the crowd. He didn't know who he was looking for. That is, until his eyes landed on a certain someone._

_A short boy that was currently in tears was the Latvian that Lovino had saved that day._


	8. S I X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lovino talks to Raivis

_Lovino noticed his Lithuanian friend and what he could assume to be an Estonian man beside Raivis. Tolys often talked about how the three of them made the 'Baltric Trio' or whatever it was. Tolys waved at him while Eduard comforted Raivis._

_He remembered the words that the Latvian had told him. Again, now that he was older, he realized that he had quite the valid reason to want to die. But his younger self would beg to differ._

* * *

** LOVINO VARGAS **

Lovino clenched his teeth as he contemplated this boy and his reason to jump. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. Someone about to commit suicide over a simple bully and a few stolen things? At least it was a better excuse than what the German had.

**_"'For God's sake please! Are you serious? I just can't believe that for some stupid reason you got here before me!'"_ **

"For God's sake please! Are you serious? You shouldn't be drinking over a bully who doesn't matter. Don't ever let them get to you, no matter how much damage they may do. Seek a guidance counselor. Just tell someone! Don't keep this to yourself." Lovino felt hypocritical at that point. The Italian should've told somebody about what was going on at home and to him. But yet again, who would listen to a boy with an "over active imagination"?

Raivis' eyes started to tear up again. The taller one couldn't tell if he had upset the boy, or if he was crying because he realized that someone cared.

"I really can't believe that for some stupid reason you got here before I could!" Lovino yelled a little too loudly. He shook his head and sighed. The same thing happened yesterday.

The boy in red extended a hesitant hand to place on the other one's elbow. Lovino lightly brushed it off, not wanted to offend Raivis. He had noticed how sensitive he was.

**_"''Cause even so, you're still loved by everyone at home. There's always dinner waiting on the table you know!'"_ **

"Even though you're getting bullied, you still have your family, right?" Lovino said, half questioned.

Raivis nodded. "Y-yeah." He wiped away a tear.

"You're still loved by them. There's always dinner waiting table for you at this time." It was evening, the time most people would be eating dinner. Except for Lovino. He didn't eat much. But when he did, it was either pasta, pizza, or bread.

**_"'I'm hungry.' The boy said as he shed a tear."_ **

"I'm hungry." Raivis mumbled as a tear ran down his cheek. Lovino could assume it was from remembering his family.

"Then go home and eat, as well as get rid of your alcohol." He advised. "And never come back up to the rooftop."

"Alright." Raivis replied. He walked straight forward towards the door that went down to the apartments. "You better not jump either."

Lovino smiled slightly. "Not today."

"Ardievas, Lovino." He said in Latvian, putting his hand on the doorknob.

_Funny, the same thing happened yesterday._

"Addio, Raivis."

**_"The boy short as can be then disappeared."_ **

Raivis disappeared through the door. Lovino was left alone on the roof again, losing his interest to commit suicide on that day.

 _I guess I'll just have to do it tomorrow._ He then walked down the steps to his own apartment that he shared with his younger brother, mother, and father.

* * *

_Raivis looked up at the singer for the first time that night. His eyes were full of emotions. Sadness, happiness, and nostalgia. He smiled at him, and Lovino smiled back._

_The boy in black walked off the stage, and the Italian was left alone once again._


	9. S E V E N

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lovino struggles with depression.

_Lovino began to wonder who else he knew was at his concert. Gilbert and Raivis had come, which was strange because he hadn't asked either of them to be there. There was no way that they would've known to come, unless someone had somehow found out what he was doing._

* * *

**_"And like that, there was someone everyday."_ **

The boy laid down on his twin-sized bed in his room, thinking about the past week and a half. Everyday, he went up to the rooftop so he could finally die like he wanted. But every time there was someone there. Someone that would cause him not to be able to jump.

**_"I listened to their tale. I made them turn away."_ **

Lovino met all kinds of people.

An English boy who thought that since he was gay, he was a sin and deserved to die.

A Romanian who wanted to stop the taunts about him being a "vampire", which wasn't true.

An Icelandic kid who thought that him being on the planet wouldn't matter.

A Japanese lad who was selectively mute.

A Russian teenager that was tired of being lonely and feared.

A South Korean who didn't want to live in a life where he wasn't with his brother.

A Canadian who was left unnoticed and abandoned.

A Polish boy who didn't want to live in a world without equality.

A Danish kid that wanted to let down his facade once and for all.

Lovino listened to their tales. He made them all turn away from permanently ending their life.

What was strange was that they were all the same age, and they all said goodbye in their native language.

**_"Yet there was no one who would do this for me, no way I could let out all this pain."_ **

The Italian boy added another mark to his arm. For now, this would have to do. Cutting himself at night when no one was awake. It was his only release for all of his pain of knowing that nobody would try to save him when he's gonna jump.

Nobody cared enough.

Well, maybe Feliciano would. But even then, his brother would get over his death easily. He wasn't someone to be mourned over or remembered. He was just a toy to Roland. A slave to his parents. A nobody to the world.

Lovino went to sleep that night like usual. Nightmares of all his past experiences haunted him in the darkness.

* * *

_The singer snuck a glance at Antonio, who was smiling reassuringly from the curtains. He was about to go on the stage._

_Lovino hoped that they wouldn't mess up._


	10. E I G H T

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lovino meets the third victim.

_He looked back at the audience. He almost immediately noticed a Danish man in the first row jumping up and down. A Norwegian that Lovino knew was standing beside him. And standing beside Lukas was Emil, the same Icelandic boy that he had saved. He had tears streaming down his face._

_The singer watched Antonio enter the stage and sit on the railing facing the fans._

* * *

** LOVINO VARGAS **

Glaring forward, Lovino stomped up the steps to the roof. This was the twelfth time he had to do this, and each time he had to come back down. It was seriously getting on his nerves. 

He pushed open the heavy door.

**_"For the very first time there I see, someone with the same pains as me."_ **

Lovino nearly screamed in frustration when he saw a boy sitting on the black railing. The boy on the railing must of heard the door open, because he looked back at the newcomer.

He had a stoic expression spread across his face. The aura this boy emitted reminded Lovino a lot of himself. He hadn't felt this way about any of the other kids that he met up here.

**_"Having done this time and time again, he wore a silver collana."_ **

The Italian noticed that the boy was wearing a silver necklace, just as Lovino was. Although, the charm seemed to be different.

He didn't get a lot of time to look at his face before he turned his head back to look towards the afternoon sky.

The unfamiliar boy took a deep breath.

* * *

_Lovino knew the crowd would be stunned by the beauty of the Spaniard's voice. I mean, Lovino was too when he first heard him sing._

_While the Italian was singing he took the time to search the rest of the audience. He found an Englishman looking in wonderment at the scene, and he also had an American and a Frenchman at his side._

_Lovino almost overlooked the Canadian that was also standing alongside Francis._

_He continued to hunt for the others when his eyes landed on Gilbert again. Now that he was actually looking for them, he noticed a Japanese man standing beside him. On the other side of Gilbert, there was his brother, Ludwig, and Lovino's own brother._

_Lovino had expected Feli to come. He always comes to his concerts to support him. Lovino offers to let him stay backstage if he wanted, but the northern Italian usually refused, saying that he liked it better in the audience with Ludwig._


	11. N I N E

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Antonio explains himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF PEDOPHILIA AND RAP (imsorryagain-), CURSING

_This was the first time the fans had seen someone (excluding Lovino) in something other than black during this song. Antonio was dressed in normal people clothes. To say that the audience was quiet was an understatement. It was deathly silent._

_Among the quiet people, Lovino found a tall Russian standing alone. From what the Italian could see, his face showed little emotion, as if he was trying to hide something._

* * *

** ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO **

Antonio had been through this before. People asked him why he was gonna jump. People have stopped him from jumping. But he always came back the next day to do it again. Today was no exception.

He wanted to skip the part where the other boy asks him what he's doing up here, so he explained himself without the other one speaking.

**_"'I just want to stop the scars that grow, every time that I go home.'"_ **

The Spanish boy spoke. "I just want to stop the scars that grow on my body. I make them every time that I go home." He sighed. "But you probably don't understand."

Hearing nothing from the newcomer, he continued. "I get pushed around and tormented because people think that I'm too cheery. They also think I'm a pedophile and rape little kids." A sharp intake could be heard from behind the boy on the railing. "But I don't."

"My home life isn't the best either. I get bruises and cuts from my parents and my older brother. It's a never ending cycle, really."

_Walking home from school on a Thursday, Antonio passed an alleyway that he has passed hundreds of times before. Only this time, he didn't get that far past it before he was dragged into it._

_He was roughly pinned against the wall by a brown-haired American. The two had met before on multiple occasions, usually the same way each time._

_"You raped any children lately?" Allen sneered, pressing the other boy's head harder against the wall._

_Breathing heavily, Antonio replied, "I keep on telling you, I'm not a pedophile." He wished he knew why people thought he was a pedo. It seemed to come out of the blue._

_"Keep lying like that, freak." Allen took the Spaniard's head and rammed it against the bricks, punching him in the gut. He then sprinted out of the alley, leaving Antonio to fall on his knees. T_ _he world was spinning, and he had to lean on the ground for support against it._

_._

_Finally making it home, he unlocked the door with a spare key that he had. He was greeted with Santiago, his older brother._

_"Where have you been?" He yelled, glaring daggers. Antonio stuttered for a response._

_"I-I too-k the long r-route home." He eventually got out. He could tell that Santiago didn't believe him._

_"Long route my ass!" He reached out and slapped his younger brother across the cheek. "Now tell me again, why were you late coming home?"_

_Antonio closed his eyes as he whispered, "I was beaten up on streets again." Whack! Another backhanded slap._

_"Go to your room, and don't expect dinner." Nodding, the Spanish boy traveled to the opposite side of his house. He quietly opened his door and closed it behind him._

_._

_That night, sobbing as usual, he picked up his pocket knife that was hidden beneath his pillow._

_Scratch! Straight over his shoulder._

_Scratch!_

_Scratch!_

_Scratch!_

_Doing this a few more times until he was satisfied with himself, he put away the knife back where he found it. He wrapped his shoulders in white bandages before he passed out, asleep._

_**"'That's why I came up here instead.' That's what the boy with the collana said."** _

"That's why I'm up here on the rooftop instead of at home." The boy with the silver necklace said. His had an anchor for a charm. If Antonio remembered correctly, the other boy had a different charm, but he couldn't tell what it was.

The Spaniard continued to look at the evening sky.

* * *

_Lovino felt a tear run down his cheek. The first time he and his boyfriend met had to be the saddest meeting ever. They were both suicidal, only that the first time, it was Antonio sitting on the railing, not Lovino. But it was soon to be switched._


	12. T E N

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lovino talks to Antonio.

_It took all of his strength not to freeze in his spot at that exact moment. He could taste the salt of his tears in his mouth. It wasn't his first time singing through crying, so he could do it this time._

_He continued to gaze at the crowd trying the find the three men still left, if he could remember correctly. Straining his eyes, the Italian saw a man in the very back in a bright pink shirt with blonde hair that reached just above his shoulders. He had a large smile on his face, despite the tone of the atmosphere. He recognized him as Felikz Lukasiewicz. He looked exactly the same as the day they first met._

* * *

** LOVINO VARGAS **

He stared with his mouth agape at the boy in front of him. It sounded so much like what he himself was dealing with. Of course, some things were different, but there seemed to be so much more that the boy wasn't letting on about. It almost made Lovino curious. Almost.

**_"Woah wait a minute, what did I just say? I couldn't care less either way. But in the moment, I just screamed something that I did not believe."_ **

Lovino didn't give himself any room to think. No, there wasn't enough time. This boy was going to jump if he didn't say something. Even if the odd boy did still die, he wanted to drag out having to actually watch it as long as possible.

**_"'Hey, don't do it please.'"_ **

"Hey, don't do it please." The Italian said. There was no need to scream. He was sure that the boy would hear him even if he was whispering. 

The teenager on the railing sighed and lifted his legs up so he could turn around to look at the newcomer. Once he finally did, Lovino almost immediately started talking again.

"You really shouldn't be up there, because I hate talking to people who are sitting on railings." He wasn't really lying, per se, but it wasn't the truth. The boy only shrugged, not moving from his spot.

"That's just too bad. I like it up here." The one with the curl's blood started to boil slightly. 

_What a stubborn ass._

"Can you at least tell my your name?"

The boy with the anchor charm, Lovino could see it now, nodded. "Antonio."

"Lovino." Antonio gave a little hum. He returned onto the topic they were on before. "There has to be some other reason you won't get down other than 'I like it up here.'"

"You'll try to force me away from the edge, just like everyone else. And I won't be able to fight back because there is just no point."

"I promise I won't do that."

Antonio's facial expression turned to one of pity. "Yeah, right."

**_"Ah, what to do? I can't stop this boy, oh this is new! For once I think I've bitten off more than I can chew."_ **

Lovino tried desperately not to show the worry that was clouding his mind onto his face. He was so used to everyone just getting off the railing and leaving at this point. But this boy... he still hadn't left. The Italian didn't know whether to be mad, sad, frustrated, glad, whatever! It was all too much for him. He just wanted Antonio to go home.

Looking down, he spoke again. If he had to be selfish, then so be it. It's what everyone thought he was anyway.

_**"'But even so, please just go away so I can't see your pitiful expression is just too much for me!'"** _

"But even so, please just go away. I don't want to see your goddamn pitiful expression anymore. It's just too much for me."

Antonio huffed, making Lovino look back up. "Would you like me to go this way-" He motioned with his head at the setting sun, "-or this way." He pointed at the door that led to the stairs and apartments.

"Preferably, the second one." He heard another long sigh escape from his lips as he closed his eyes.

**_"'I guess today is just not my day.'"_ **

"I guess today is just not my day." He opened his eyes to reveal those beautiful green irides. Antonio jumped down from the railing onto the safe side, much to Lovi's relief.

He walked past the slightly shorter boy and towards the door. He hesitated before opening it, though. He looked back it the boy still standing near the edge.

"Adios, Lovino."

"Adio, Antonio."

**_"He looked away from me, and then he disappeared."_ **

Antonio swung the door open and disappeared behind the thick metal, leaving Lovino behind to cry.

* * *

_The tears had nearly dried up when they started again. The memories were almost too much for him to bear. Antonio, almost being stubborn enough to actually jump, would've lead them both dead. He almost had to be thankful, for when he searched the crowd again, he wouldn't have met a certain Romanian that he was making a contact with ever again._


	13. E L E V E N

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lovino is the final victim.

_Lovino slowly walked to the front of the stage and jumped over the railing so he could sit on it, surprising the audience. He could tell by how they collectively gasped. It was kind of funny, but at the same time, it wasn't._

_Even though he didn't mean to, he saw a black haired man that had an interesting outfit on three rows in front of him. There was uncharacteristic sadness gracing his features. Lovino had stayed friends with Im Yong Soo, so he should know how happy he was. Although, he still wasn't on the best of terms with his brother, who still lived in North Korea._

* * *

** LOVINO VARGAS **

Lovino trudged up the echoing stairs for what he could only wish would be the last time. He hoped he could just walk up these stairs and never come back down them. Never have to go back to his brother, his mother, his father, or his school, ever again.

He opened the door, fully expecting to see somebody standing, sitting, or leaning on the edge. But... nobody was there. Not a soul was up here except for him. Lovino stared in shock, checking ever corner of the rooftop.

**_"There's no one here today, I guess it's time. It's just me, myself, and I. There's no one who can interfere. No one to get in my way here."_ **

He let a rare smile grace his small Italian lips. There was no one here today. It was just himself. There wasn't a single person who could get in his way or interfere. He knelt down and took of both of his black boots.

Now, he could finally do the one thing he had been waiting to do for over a week.

**_"Taking off my silver collana. Watching my curl flow in the wind."_ **

Lovino hauled himself over the side of the railing where he then sat down. He balanced carefully as he took both of his hands off the railing so he could take off his silver necklace the proper way. It had an Italian horn for a chain. It was a gift from his fratello. Feliciano had a look-alike copy of it.

The 16 year-old wanted to leave the necklace behind for his brother to find. Unlike the shoes, he wanted Feli to keep the necklace, something that he would be able to remember Lovi by.

In the corner of his eye, he could see his curl flow in the wind. He hated that thing. His brother also had one, and whenever someone pulled it, it hurt like an anvil. It also made him aroused, admittedly.

**_"This Italian boy, rude as can be, is gonna jump now and be free."_ **

Lovino closed his eyes as he slowly leaned forward, his grasp on the railing slowly fading. He vaguely heard the door open and a voice shout. It didn't matter anymore. None of it did, because the world would soon forget a Lovino Vargas ever existed.

He let go of the railing and fell off.

* * *

_Lovino's head pounded and his heart thumped. This was it. This was the moment to shock the crowd. It was a once in a lifetime experience, because the Italian could bet his ass that he won't be doing this again._

_Lovino's hand slipped from the railing, and he heard a scream come from his brother._


	14. E P I L O G U E

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the show is over.

A hand grabbed Lovino's wrist and grunted his way into dragging him up and over the fence.

Antonio fell to the ground with his boyfriend falling on top of him. Lovino quickly stood up, helping the now tired Spaniard up as well. He pulled him into a long hug as the music ended. 

They broke away from the hug. They stared into each other's eyes for a second before they brought their lips together to share a long, loving kiss.

The crowd erupted into cheers behind them. Sure, they didn't hug, and they definitely did not kiss, when Antonio saved him for the first time, but they did this time. 

Lovino wished he could say something to his boyfriend, but the microphone would blast it so the spectators would hear it. He only pulled away and smiled.

Turning back to the crowd, he announced, "Thank you, everyone, for coming tonight! As you know, I stay late after the show to meet with you all. So, if you wish to talk with me and Antonio, stay outside of the theater for a while!" He winked. "Adio, everyone!"

He then grabbed the grinning Antonio by the hand and drug him to the sidelines.

.

Lovino closed his eyes as he leaned against the outer brick wall of the building. "That was a long night, wasn't Toni?" He let out an exhausted sigh. That only led to another deep intake, though, as Antonio did not respond.

His eyes shot opened as he called out, "Toni! Toni!" No response. Now, Lovino was really worried.

"Antonio, where are you? Please come out from wherever you are!" He heard footsteps on grass coming from nearby. The Spaniard suddenly popped out from around the side of the building.

"Lovi! Hey!" Antonio went in for a hug, but the tsundere slapped his arms away.

"Where were you, bastard?" He crossed his arms angrily. "I though I lost you!"

Antonio only smiled back. "Don't worry. I only brought a few friends for you to meet." 

People started to round the corner from the exact place that the Spanish man came from. It took a second, but Lovino recognized them all when they were done coming in. There were the people he had seen in the crowd.

He trembled, and then looked at his boyfriend. "Y-you? You were the one? You brought them here?" 

Antonio laughed. "Of course I did! They deserve it, after all. This is only something you see once."

He gazed back at his friends. He was at a loss for words. All of a sudden, they lunged at him and pulled him into a tackle hug. Even the Japanese man, who was very sensitive with touching.

Lovino cried. And cried. And cried. It had been a while since he had seen some of these men. He was just glad they were alive and healthy... at least, he hoped they were all healthy.

After finally being pulled out of the big group hug, Lovino managed out, "I missed you guys so much."

"We missed you too."


	15. C O N C L U S I O N

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which this is the end.

Well, that's the end!

I really hope you guys enjoyed! Even though it was kinda sad.

-Payton


End file.
